I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
