She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize