I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
