I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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