we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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