Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
