There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
