We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
