Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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