A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
