I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
