I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
