I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
