big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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