Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
