Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We need to get me chipped asap
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
