we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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