if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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