My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
