I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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