Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
