No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
