I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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