God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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