i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize