Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
