Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
