Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
