Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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