I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
