I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
we're making bets on your personal life
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You did what with his pubic hair?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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