Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
