I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
