Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
