I saw his package. It spoke to me.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
