I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
