we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
they need to just BURY HIM!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
