I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
