This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
