Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
