why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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