You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
