I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
