is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
