it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
