I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
