***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
