so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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