your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
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