im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
