Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
