Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
no you cant smoke seaweed
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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