i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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