i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
