Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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