he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
