you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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