youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize