i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
