I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
then he tried to convert me to islam
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
