This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
40s are totally the cure
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
