K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize