Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
