So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
