I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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