I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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