Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
