butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
