Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
