I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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