did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
