Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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