Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
