I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
