I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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