Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
