I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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