if you like me you must not know who I am
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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