we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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