it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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