he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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