Me. At least after what I've been through.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
