party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize